20160826(2)

later I have to record everything my boss praised me before, i mean i need to record his kindness to me. As I still havent figured out solution for a simple problem after spending couple of hours, normal, huh? T_T

20160826

And it's like I always work to acheive something in every day of my internship.

20160826

0825 GW training (actually as team build), finally met my mentor haha actually Im not that sure too. I am glad that I finally tuned my mood to be more ready like for starting the new semster. I can tell you that I'm nervous enough to get everything wron, but I think given that I tried my best to stay with God, God will prepare the rest for me. Finally got to know that statement - You do the best, God do the rest. How can we measure the best? lol how come we take so long to get to understand le? Hope I can make my thoughts clear and get to know His plans.

20160824

I can remember a recent dream, that told Mr. Robot season 3 was out. Okay that was not real at all, but it marks hard on my harddisk.

20160823

1. I did something bad this morning, sorry. 2. I did not contribute what I should. 3. I feel weird about the lack of time to think to create to dreaem, and most of the time fighting with the unfamiliar codes and errors. Am I still in the holiday mood or troubled from not overdosing caffeine?

20160822 (2)

You are allowed to do stupid things, but not to be lazy.

20160822

工作上又犯了個低級錯誤，加上持續的頭痛，what a slightly blue monday.

20160815

1. Don't wanna meet you again in my dream 2.

20160812(2)

who knows the possible reasons of local host refused for connection?

20160810

我從來都可以分析、預測好一切可能發生的事。只是到底我身邊的你們又有沒有這樣的思考呢? 答案於我從來是已知。結果才是由我們一個又一個的決定而定。 一個壞人到底還是會做壞事，所以我們要竭力的去做一個好人，make right decisions。 好想飲earl grey tea。反正到最尾也唏噓已經過去了。

20160812

終於可以番一日正常工... 發生左好多事，聽日又會點呢... 暫時我連今晚食咩都唔係好知. 哈姆太郎呀...

20160809(2)

昨天凌晨十二點我就打了一篇，然後今天不見了錢包就真的是第一時間想找辦法解決，解決掉後才回想...

20160809

最近的經歷就是要我去檢視自己隱藏得最深的問題，一發現問題，立刻會想解決方法；但我想得到的方法都是幫不到我的，就好像跟自己對奕，自己已經知道對方的下一步，最終我只會跟自己打平手。我知道只有一個方向可以改變我，就是去倚靠那不會變改的神。原來捨棄一切是不容易的，我感覺很大的不理性的掙扎。

20160808

非他不可。非卿不娶，非君不嫁。是夠詩意吧。

20160805

You have to act like you are super fine, or else you have to be alright.

20160804

Be true. I just tried Tinder yesterday and was handling this as if it should be kept as a secret. My reason to get to try is curiousity on how the app works as just heard about it in the Amazon workshop day. I would say it is fun and kind of safe though I think I saw some people I know. It looks like a private voting system as that very first version of Facebook - users vote if they think the picture is worth. Well, I did have imagined about really dating some people out but I would not show up so as to see if they look as the picture suggests. Everything can be hidden on the net. If and only if you really paid great effort. No I won't. Time to shut down my account~ // Another thought: If I could talk to my illusion, the conversation may be cooler.

20160802(2)

no I don't like that.Sigh.

20160802

紅娘的異想世界之在西廂 

林奕華的舞台影畫又一年的暑假在香港放映，而我只於今年挑了紅娘來看。 

早在我的中學時期，我已經在雜誌上被紅娘的海報所吸引著，圖片裡中間的是男女主角，旁邊有很多身影都是紅娘，不過再仔細一點看，原來所有紅娘都是跟女主角同一個模樣。當時雖然想不明白海報的設計，也不會特地去看舞台劇，但也感到逗趣，還好像有把那一頁剪了下來作收藏樣。

當時我以為這戲就只有兩個人在演，但一看，才發覺還有很多其他的演員。

戲是說有位網絡作家，筆下的角色是自我的想像投射，她寫出了一位又是紅娘又是西廂的崔鶯鶯的角色。這劇本簡直是不能輕易的給想像出來，應該是把一些原有有意思的念頭存起，再想很多不同的方法去表達，去吸引觀眾的腦袋。 看到一半，我覺得我一直都想當也著實當了一半的，是紅娘的角色，sacrifice 一些東西去換取別人的幸福，贏了賭注輸了愛情就是紅娘。可是當輸了愛情的時候，紅娘的反應也是夠不知所措的。 然後原來作家也可以在現實當中努力擺脫過往對於這個世界的恐懼，然後努力的去創建自己的未來。不過小說裡的紅娘又應該如何過日子呢? 

Mr. Robot American drama。

我一邊看一邊就在懷疑到底編劇是不是真的很熟IT或者其實是個hacker。 

長話短說，其實我覺這兩套戲雖然都很吸引，但是很空虛，仿佛生存其實是沒有意義，而死亡或許是個比較理想的做法因為可以免去痛苦。但顯然在我的生命裡所看到的世界並不是這個樣子，有人會因為朋友離世而非常傷心，這是牽絆。而若果你發現你不知道為了什麼而在活的話(例如你一直所做的都只是to be wanted/revenge/suprression/making linkage/money/power which can easily fade away and you will terribly break)，那其實你應該去尋找。因為生命一定有其意義的。你的生命不一定是一片空洞。或許不是一片空洞，但當問到你的葬禮你期望見到什麼畫面，我希望當中會有很多你很重視的東西。有很多事情不一定只帶來痛苦，還有另一面的，只是誰能給予你另外一面呢，好希望身邊的人不如花點力氣去尋找可以改變你一生的價值觀。

1/0選擇是真的，但當有不確定的因素時，先去了解必定會讓你帶來好處，即使最終都是有一堆你不確定的東西，根據game theory， two choices: one is probably good, while another is definitely not. Then you must pick the first one which may bring you benefit without really heavy prices. Sorry for TLDR lol

20160801

趁在八月的第一天完結前，我可以用15分鐘來分享一下在這幾天發生過的事嗎? 在星期六原本想藉著一天假期可以稍作休息，誰知寫了三封信後，就要負責安裝家裡的樂視解碼器，說是解碼，其實不就是一個比較實體版的youtube. 然後晚上就看the bourne identity，之前應該是在飛機上看的，所以情節都給我忘得七七八八。 在星期日，老實說是比想像中耗氣力的一天，可能是星期六晚跟lingz聊得太夜所致。不過在等蜻蜓的時候我倒是有時間先到牛池灣熟食中心品嘗了12塊的凍奶茶，相比起家樓下的17塊，我覺得12塊就好了。 去到Christine還有很多人都所屬的教會，原來大家崇拜的方式也很不同，弟兄姊妹的性格也是與自己教會非常不類似，原來保羅寫信去的不同教會，真的可以很不一樣。 當天的shall we talk，其實很有意思，我並不是胡亂邀請朋友參加這個聚會，無論你對於信仰問題熱衷與否，我想一個下午的時間真的不算長，但也可以讓自己對於信仰了解一點，好讓你去選擇自己的信仰，我們到底應該為什麼生存，到底上天堂(假設可以)又需要什麼條件?是很簡單抑或超難?，你的世界觀也從此廣闊多一點點，隨便來發問呀，一起研究真的很快樂也很充實。我希望蜻蜓可以繼續去這所教會，因為至少可以真的很認真尋求信仰。